Backspace

A space where millions of stories and emotions are hidden? Buried? Or still typing but already have an idea of backspacing it? I don’t think so, as when you think of writing down the thoughts that are knocking in your head, pen them down even if you fall short of words, bearing in mind that the opposite person isn’t a mind reader and the reason for erasing your thoughts which you can say fiercely but you don’t because you are too scared to face the reality for how the other person may retaliate towards it and replace it with an option called, “backspace”, that’s where it wins and your “I don’t give a dam” won’t let you express the words that bleed but does have a story to communicate. Oh, you thought you just got saved from not having to explain your inner self by backspacing? Having said that, do you think in the real life you have that backspace to change your mistakes or words you said? NO, you don’t. Then why would you let a mere backspace say it all and have a lifetime regret of removing your typed text because you have that button. Sometimes I also think why do I let backspace decide on behalf of me? Am I just too scared or do I lack self-confidence? Here’s my story which completely changed my definition towards backspace :

Just like everyone, after making innumerable mistakes in life, I met a person who seemed to be very focused, practical, polished, straight forward, thoughtful in- short finally a man I was looking for. But oops, does that man even need me? Am I the girl he is looking for? Many questions to ask, but zero confidence. Spoke to each other for months when every possibility stated that two people are into each other, but don’t have the guts to express because, “WE NEVER MET BEFORE.” Funny? Yes, sort of. Days n days passed by, all plans to meet went down the vain because of LOCKDOWN. I was very annoyed and couldn’t help myself from confessing but “backspace” always ruled over me. One fine day my mind gave me a short hint that “why not today and why later?”, what if something bad happens? What if you get into a fight, and never talk further? Also, these thoughts came in my mind after what happened to one of my friends, who passed away just few days before proposing the love of his life on her birthday. And that’s where I realized time is a very short thing if you don’t grab the chance you may lose it and never be able to say anything. I called and let my bunch of emotions and madness out though I made up mind that it should not bother me for what he would reply or think but only to focus on letting out how exactly I feel towards him and trust me the relief I felt after that, I couldn’t be happier. I never regret my decision of letting out my words in front of him because at the end-all that matters to me is my inner peace and me being capable of deciding for myself. Similarly, there must be millions of regrets and hidden emotions behind backspace key over a typed text.

It’s that simple. That’s when I realized how many untold stories must have ended between typing and erasing? Well, it’s just a button even I gave it an authority to rule over my thoughts, that’s where I made up my mind to snap out of it ASAP because I cannot further edit my soul and present in front of the whole world like a polished word document. I want my mistakes, my unsaid bitter words to reach people to give them the idea of who exactly I am. Backspace should be used only to rub out the words while typing until you are not satisfied with how it represents your feelings. Sometimes you may not even get another chance to express what you feel so, it’s better now or never. I read somewhere “Backspace- your true emotions hider” why carry baggage in your mind that can be freed to explore new thought, and you can set your heart free from the heaviness of those unsaid words? In every person’s life comes a flashing throbbing moment where the words inside you make your heart pound and your mind fluctuates like a roller coaster for the dilemma on whether to mention your feelings or not. But that’s when you recollect all your guts, see the light at that very moment and tell that something to your someone to never let the BACKSPACING win over Send button ever again. And honestly, not letting backspace taking control of your life and enjoying every bit of it on my terms with that self-assurance is true definition of success to me.

Don’t let your story remain Etched in your heart Forever.

- Yashvi Panchal